I have had some weird dreams the pats 2 night s and there was the weirdest people most of the Kelly family , Nico yaksich and zachary salsify. Well and my sisters and brother. The dream was weird we where staying in a a cabin or a hotel room and grace ran away in the middle of the night and we where in Caflifornia, and my brother and nico where playing video games a bed room. I was in the hall way where they could see me but I didnt know they where in there, so anyways I had to fix my bra and they saw it and I went in to the room and said awkward hi and left

That’s weird right like it if u think so

i love our short and sweat conversations, i love it when you used to standup for me, i love it when she look at me with those cute eyes which gloria describes as a caramel wonder..i love it when you glance at me, but truthfully i am so intimidated by you. you have no idea. when we where talking today all i thought was don’t say something stupid, but i did i and then we started to talk about my chicken. i wish that you could just dump that girl and go with me. but i know that will never happen, you love her, and i have a crush on you but you don’t know, i really hope non of your friends are following me! but i like you and you don’t even know my name and that is okay. you can just call me the girl who had to play juliet, when romeo and juliet first find each other and make out! eww i hated doing that. but apparently i wanted you to be romeo, to gloria. but to tell you the truth you frighten me, you make me anxious and nervous and weak! i hate that. you make me feel helpless and weird, but like u keep saying i am a no body so have fun with her i am happy for you!

but try to talk to me! i am easy to talk to!

my father thinks I am a facing I just eat what ever comes in my way. He thinks I am a pig I will et shit. My father thinks I am a fat dumb ass that can’t do anything for my self. And he is right I can’t do anything, I don’t have good hades I am not helpful around the house. I can’t even think for my self or make my own decccisons! And I have to be okay with that. Because I wont b a size 2 and I won’t ever be able to think for my self. I am just a useless piece of shit to him, I could disappear and no one could notice I was gone, I have dome that just gone and no one knew where I was or what the he’ll i was doing, they didn’t even notice. I could run away for forever and no one would care. I could die and no one would care or notice. I might as well be dead, they could go and do allot more things with out me, my father could sell all of my things for a penny and love that penny more then his daughter, he has 2 more. So wouldn’t it be easier just for me to disappear?

My dad makes fun of my weight and says that I look thick and that I need to work ut and go exercise, but what he doesn’t get, is that no mTter what if I am thick or thin or what he wants me to be I am comfortable in my own skin. Well not really, I am awkward I don’t socialize well. I only have a couple of friends! But it would just be better to die then to live in this cycle of abuse from my family members! My dad kept birthing me saying that I ate his precious. Brownies when all I have been doing is siting down in the living room watching greasy anatomy, so really I have nothing to live for

Have you ever had that song that juts reminds you of someone? well i have that… but its not a good thing! i made his life hell, i made him go to chicago instead of going to the homecoming dance with me! i was a complete bitch! i miss him and i just wish that we could start over! and juts forget everything i was  mean and when ever i get c;lose to someone i tend to push them away! i said some hurtful things,. i shared secrets with you and you shared some with me! you where my best friend for that short amount of time! and i juts wish that you would read this so you know how sorry i am! 

oh ya the dog that reminded me of you was a toylor swift song back to december and i wish i could go back in time and just stop my self from doing that! i miss you you have no idea! AND TO BE HONEST I HAD A LITTLE CRUSH ON YOU! SORRY! MISS YOU!

i have made it clear to you haven’t i? i hope i did! because i really like you! i have had a crush for half 1the year and you don’t even know my name! i wish u did! because your funny sweet and smart! even if you don’t make the right choices! you have gotten high with my friend, and you always see me with her so why can’t you just ask my friend my name?! well i have a few reasons why you might not like me!

1) i am way to tall 5’8”

2) i have acne 

3) i am over weight but i know who to dress like i am not!

4) i am to abased with how i look, because people can be to judgy 

but you don’t even know me=! so i could be a good person! and i am and i have a feeling that we would be good together like the best couple but first i juts want you to know my name and things about me!

so do that first before you talk to me!PLEASE BUT DO IT QUICK BECAUSE I CANT WAIT! i will give you the first my name is amanda!

i want to go see the hunger games, but i am not allowed out of the house with bright blue eyeliner on, doesn’t my father know that this is how i express my creativity!?????!!!!!! i want to be a make up artist and it doesn’t matter how i look because i like it! I DONT CARE WHAT POPLE THINK OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! i ware this to school i wan to have a statement piece! i want to be noticed i need the attention! don’t you realize that !

 it about a week into the new year and i have still been crushing on this guy in my algerbra class. he sit in front of me…. but everyone sits in front of me because i sit in the back. but no one notices me.i wish they did but its not like i have any control on what they do. i juts wish sometimes i could compel them to like like me! but i know thats never going to happen!

;C 

ya know i want to love but i don’t know how to! or how to find the right guy to love! i want some one that will love me for me and not someone that is fake and make believe. i had that once with a guy daniel. but i don’t know if it  was love. i mean we only knew each other for about 2 months an i really liked him. he was kind and sweet and kind of cute! but i messed it all up! and i haven’t even said sorry yet! and its been a couple months! but i don’t know how to, i mean i haven’t really said sorry to a guy like that before! let me give you the back story:

it was october 10th and he had just asked me to homecoming (hc) and i said yes. i didn’t think that i would go because i told him, i would only go if someone asked me! but i didn’t want it to be awkward so i invited my friend francesca and thats when things fell apart.he doesn’t like her and he didn’t  tell me why. idk how it fell apart all i know is that i called him gay an i told my bff not to tell anybody but i she told and it got to him! please help! 

HOW DO I APOLIGIZE?!/!?!?!?!?!?!!??

i know that christmas is a time were everyone should be all happy and cheery but really what house hold is is like that. my family isn’t  that bad, my mother just gets stressed out from buying / wrapping seconds, cooking breakfast christmas morning and ya when she has us kiddies. but to make it worse my aunt and uncle came in from texas and brought their rabid dog day tree . the stupid dog bit my brother a couple months ago pretty bad he has a scar and no stitches. my parents are divorced with is good and bad because my step mom is a bitch and we get double the presents. even though my dad has a horrible   sense of style!

but its not ABOUT THE PRESENTS